Apex Mountain on The Rewatchables
73:08 – 81:29… broke his nose while filming Above the Law, which I didn't realize. And after that, Seagal demanded to take over the thing. So those are my Seagal facts. Apex Mountain. Okay. What do you have for Seagal? I don't think this is it. I think this is the Apex Mountain of unintentional comedy, Seagal, but not for Seagal. I would say Under Siege is his Apex Mountain, right? Well, yeah. I mean, within a couple of years of him cutting off Screwface's head and Mark for Death, he is having a knife fight with Academy Award winner Tommy Lee Jones on a battleship. Like, I think it is Under Siege. And you said it …
The whole segment, as transcribed
I don't know whether he chose to, but he was an advisor when he was living in Asia to CIA people. And then apparently Henry Silva broke his nose while filming Above the Law, which I didn't realize. And after that, Seagal demanded to take over the thing. So those are my Seagal facts. Apex Mountain. Okay. What do you have for Seagal? I don't think this is it. I think this is the Apex Mountain of unintentional comedy, Seagal, but not for Seagal. I would say Under Siege is his Apex Mountain, right? Well, yeah. I mean, within a couple of years of him cutting off Screwface's head and Mark for Death, he is having a knife fight with Academy Award winner Tommy Lee Jones on a battleship. Like, I think it is Under Siege. And you said it yourself. He said, hey, I want to do this on deadly ground. And you got to let me direct Under Siege, too. That's power. That's Apex. That's the definition of Apex Mountain. And like, joking aside, Under Siege was a real hit. Yeah. Kelly LeBrock, no. Acupuncture? Apex Mountain? Oh, yeah. I feel like it is, right? Bill, I went and got acupuncture like two years ago. It's amazing. And I had never seen anybody do it. Yeah. And I go, I literally said, when do you put the smoking ones on? And there's like, what do you mean? I'm like, don't they have a little smoke at the end of them? They're like, no, we don't do that. I thought that's what acupuncture was. It's not. They just put the needles. So yeah, it is. I did it in 2004 and it fixed my back. Really? Yeah. It actually worked. I haven't done it since, but I didn't want to get the back surgery and I was trying everything and it was the last thing I tried and it actually worked. Holy shit. All right. So there you go. How about a murder attempts in an empty hospital, Apex Mountain? Would you go this or Cobra? All right. So it's a great one. I will go with Cobra because I like the Night Stalker and I like the knife. But I also had Apex Mountain for shitty hitmen. And I think I would answer my own question. Over Roadhouse? Or maybe this is the whole era of shitty hitmen. All right. There's a lot of shitty hitmen. I don't know if there's one worse than Frederick Sykes in The Fugitive, who while he does kill Helen Kimball, he does have one fucking arm. And if I had the resources of Devlin McGregor and I was hiring someone to go kill someone, I would want someone with two arms with all due respect. Right. So I think I'll answer my own question and say Apex is fugitive, but this is close. Then your hospital question plays right into that. Yeah. Hitman who it takes him 10 minutes to kill Cila Ward, who's just like married to a doctor. They're brawling all over the place. Like it's like the money in the bank main event. And he's supposed to be a professional hitman. It's a good point. And he kills her by throwing like some sort of marble ball at her or something like instead of just a gun. And he leaves her to make that. And then Kimball fights him afterwards. So Sykes, I think, is the apex of those guys. How about Ojai? I think so. Yeah. I mean, shit. Anybody else done there? They even do a closeup of the sign on the freeway. I don't know any other movies in Ojai, but it's something you pass when you drive up the 101 and now I'm going to look at that house. Is that house on Airbnb in Ojai? Because I like when I have my brother's bachelor party there. I should have researched this before the thing. I had Kimball got married in Ojai. It was the only time I'd ever been there. It's great up there. It's the kind of place where if there was a big shootout, it could probably happen and nobody would know. But it's pretty, pretty spread out. That's all I have for Apex Mountain, unless you want to say 1990 was the Apex Mountain for action movies. Well, God damn, you gave the rundown of those movies in four years. It's right in the middle of it, right? That five-year run and it's like dead center. And, you know, everybody's got movies in 1990. Stallone has one. Schwarzenegger has one. Seagal has two. Van Damme has one. Die Hard 2 comes out in 1990. I don't know. You could say 1990 might have been the peak. It was the kind of thing where you were just like, which action movie is coming out this weekend? There's one every weekend. And which one? When can we get back? Why can't we go back? We can't. What are we doing? We're doing John Wick and we're doing your fucking Fast and the Furious movies. But we don't really have it anymore. I wish we could. I wish we could, man. It was awesome. Can't you do a movie about a guy who does a 6 a.m. morning football show and on his way home from work, all of a sudden he's framed for murder and he's running for his life and he's got eight hours to clear his name? Yeah. How hard is it to either, I need to clear my name, all of this stuff happens in one day, I'm running for my life. Somebody killed my whole family. I'm out for revenge. I showed up at this new place and I need to, you know, I need a fresh start and I don't want to get sucked back in my old life. But oh no, it looks like I am. Or this is our one last job. Like there's eight ideas. Just keep making them. How fucking hard is this? Revenge movies. It's simple. It's great. It's beautiful. This happened. I'm mad. I know. I don't understand why. That's like, you know, fantasy will tell you a million reasons why about budget and industry and all that and he understands that stuff better than I do. I'm just like, you know, God damn it. Like I'd like to go on Friday night to see somebody kick some ass and pay 12 bucks to get in. I just can't really anymore. I have to do it from my couch. Well, part of it is I think we just, I think we'll look back at this era of all the stars we had and it's just was an anomaly. We just don't have stars like this anymore. We don't have, we had seven guys who could be the head of an awesome action movie. And who are the guys now? It's like, I would have said no way on Keanu and Keanu was able to do it. But who are the guys like, are you going to see Chris Evans? And hard to kill. Like there needs to be an unintentional comedy piece to it that I just don't think the current guys have. Well, they've tried 50 times with the rock, man. And it doesn't do it for me as cool as he is and as charismatic. Like he makes movies that are instantly disposable. They don't, he doesn't make Terminator 2. You know, he just doesn't have it in him to make those or that's not what the industry wants. They have, I mean, he's got the look and everything. It just doesn't work for me. So a spinoff of Apex Mountain is, was this their Hall of Fame plaque movie? Would this be the hat they wore as they head into the Hall of Fame? It's either this or Under Siege. Cause this is the, the funniest he's ever been in a movie, but Under Siege was the most successful. So I don't know. I still feel like it's probably Under Siege. It's a good debate because I feel like Under Siege is for the masses. I feel like if you're a true Seagal head, him taking a cue ball in a napkin and beating up people with it in a bar and out for justice. Anybody's seen Richie? Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo? Like that, that's my Hall of Fame Seagal right there. I would go out for justice. But if there's a bust like in the NFL and you can put the fake beard and hair on him, like in this one, then it has to go into for hard to kill. Maybe it's two plaques. Maybe it's the coming out of a coma Seagal. Then maybe it's Under Siege. He would want to go in the Hall of Fame as Undeadly Ground, like Wade Boggs going in as a fucking Devil Ray. I directed that one. It was a great script. Best racehorse name from the movie. I mean, it's probably Mason Storm, right? That's a great racehorse name. Yeah. Unless you did, you know, and Blood Bank down the stretch. Here they come. Blood Bank would work too. But Mason Storm is badass. Sunny Storm works too. If you were at the Kentucky Derby and one of the 12 horses was named Mason Storm, I know what you do next. You're putting money on Mason Storm. You just are. I put money on Storm, on Mason Storm, and then I go down and take a picture of his huge horse penis. How could you tell his dick from the horses? I couldn't. The horses is the smaller one. That's how you tell. Pick and nits. We mentioned the, um, Mason's filming is hilarious. Why do all the cops and bad guys talk with accents in this movie? It seems like it's set in LA. It is. And yet, all the accents are like Chicago and Pittsburgh? Yeah. They have a Rust Belt thing and they're in like Bel Air and Beverly Hills. I don't know. I don't get it. Um, how did he put the acupuncture needles in his way, way back? Cause there's some stuff that's like midway down his back. So is it, is there like an acupuncture like chop that he used the chopsticks to put it in? Like, how does he get them in there? It's possible. Yeah. Or Kelly LeBrock did it willingly. But that's, that's what a picky nits is all about is how did he get the back one in? I never thought about that. Kelly LeBrock's like, I'll put the needles in. If you let me look at, look at your crank again, because I really miss, I really miss her in her coma. And I, I just was 24 seven. I could go check that thing out.
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