Apex Mountain on The Rewatchables
28:14 – 31:00… that'll take your attention away from the Pepsi Free that's over his shoulder and the Pepsi logos and the Coors Light. Like, I don't know if this is an Apex Mountain Bill, but like, there's a conversation for product placement. It's one thing to put your Pepsi and everything, but like, do you really need it in the middle of a horrifying real life nightmare situation in which it isn't enough for Sly to be next to some Coors Banquet. This dude straight up slurps a tall boy Coors Banquet dry. It's warm. It's not even out of the fridge before he shoots the bad guy. And the fact that he... What about the Toys …
The whole segment, as transcribed
I find it entertaining as hell. I have a theory on why it's so hard to hear his dialogue. I think they might've been thinking, if you can hear what Cobretti is saying, that'll take your attention away from the Pepsi Free that's over his shoulder and the Pepsi logos and the Coors Light. Like, I don't know if this is an Apex Mountain Bill, but like, there's a conversation for product placement. It's one thing to put your Pepsi and everything, but like, do you really need it in the middle of a horrifying real life nightmare situation in which it isn't enough for Sly to be next to some Coors Banquet. This dude straight up slurps a tall boy Coors Banquet dry. It's warm. It's not even out of the fridge before he shoots the bad guy. And the fact that he... What about the Toys R Us commercial? Oh yeah. They just show a Toys R Us commercial. He's just watching television because we have to get him to him watching a newscast, but they're like, hold on, we gotta work 20 seconds of Toys R Us in here. It's unbelievable. We need Jeffrey the giraffe to show up first before we get to the night slasher. He walks into this grocery store where there's an active shooter. There's no sense of like body armor or maybe you arm up a little bit. He's wearing Lady Gaga's boots, jeans up to his nipples, and his sunglasses so bright that if you watch closely, you can see cameramen and gaffers in his sunglasses for the whole scene and they don't give a shit. It's perfect. The other thing, after he finishes these guys off, he goes outside and it does the classic terrible action movie thing of everyone's furious at him for some reason. Yeah. And then there's a TV reporter like, why did you have to use brute force? It's like, do you guys want to go inside and let there's dead people all around the supermarket? What are you talking about? Everybody's furious at Cobretti for foiling this mass murderer in the supermarket. Then finally, he has to do, which he's done before. It was in First Blood. It was with Brian Denny. He grabs the TV guy, lifts the dead body blanket. You want to look at that? You want to see what's on this guy? Yeah, what's on this family? Yeah. What if somebody would have gone up from the LA Times, Bill, to Vincent Hanna after the shootout and Heat and been like, did Sizemore really need to die, Hanna? And he's like, well, he was using a child as a human shield. Asshole, what was I supposed to do? Blow him away. Yeah. He just killed someone with a shotgun. Of course, I shot him. It's just transcendent. And you think like, this movie can't get any funnier or more ridiculous. The next scene, he goes back home to his insane part. I guess it's Venice. I think Venice too. This insane apartment he has. Yeah. Beachfront. He also looks like South Beach, but we know this is in LA, so it's got to be Venice. Makes these four Latinos move who are parked in the wrong thing, scares the guy away, goes upstairs. He's hungry.
52:13 – 54:59… Here's the chorus. Feel the heat! Yeah! I kind of like this one, too. I should have put this at what's aged the worst. These are what's aged the best. This is Apex Mountain for music. I'm sorry. I apologize. Oh, and then there's an original ending that when I read, I got bummed out. So, the original ending, the guy we mentioned, the Dirty Harry guy, Yeah. Stallone rips his shirt off and he finds a satanic tattoo on his chest that reveals he's the real leader of the New Order. Oh, shit. And that's the reveal. And that's how they had, they were always, the cops were one step ahead, but they decided that was too …
The whole segment, as transcribed
Cabretti is feeling the heat from the New Order. So, like, it really is on the head. Here's the chorus. Feel the heat! Yeah! I kind of like this one, too. I should have put this at what's aged the worst. These are what's aged the best. This is Apex Mountain for music. I'm sorry. I apologize. Oh, and then there's an original ending that when I read, I got bummed out. So, the original ending, the guy we mentioned, the Dirty Harry guy, Yeah. Stallone rips his shirt off and he finds a satanic tattoo on his chest that reveals he's the real leader of the New Order. Oh, shit. And that's the reveal. And that's how they had, they were always, the cops were one step ahead, but they decided that was too big of a twist not to do it. I'm going the other way. They should have, that would have been a great ending. That's Chaz Palminteri dropping the Kobayashi China. Like, that was, that's an amazing ending. I'd never heard of that before. That's what's frustrating about this movie is I do feel like if they had just a little more spitballing in the creative room, there really could have been a better version of this movie as much as we love the movie that exists now. I'm shook right now. I feel like you just told me, like, dude, like, Bruce Willis is a ghost the whole time. I'm like, what? That guy's in the Axe Bangers? That's cool. You know what it sounds like, Kyle? It sounds like you're feeling the heat. I am feeling the heat. Feel the heat? I lift electric drums. This sounds like Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothschild were back at the studio. I can see Reed Rothschild in the studio, like, like, dancing, getting fired up. All right, we're going to, we're going to take a break, come back with the rest of the categories. Got a break. We're feeling the heat. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Imagine you're running a professional sports team. Nice. Imagine the player contract report is due today. Not so nice. You've got performance notes from the coaching staff. You've got a salary spreadsheet from your analyst. Three rounds of back and forth emails with the agent and all of it is scattered absolutely everywhere. Well, that's where ChatGBT work comes in. It's a new way to use ChatGBT for bigger, multi-step projects. Give ChatGBT work access to your apps and files and can create real work documents. For instance, spreadsheets, slides, structured reports. You can bring all those to your next meeting and when you don't need answers, you need help just getting the work across the finish line. ChatGBT work can move your projects forward while you stay in control. Put ChatGBT to work on your most ambitious ideas and projects. Get started. Just go to ChatGBT.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. This episode is brought to you by Sleep Doctor. Let's say a good sleep is wildly underrated. You can do everything right,
66:09 – 72:30… puts the spikes into Sly's eyes. It's like, you know, Kylo Ren has the side lightsaber things. It's two weapons in one, and listen, I had this, I had this in Apex Mountain, knives, because right now, you got- Yeah, I had it too. Okay, go for it. What do you got? No, I just had the same thing. When we- You got Rambo's knife. You got, obviously, Crocodile Dundee's knife, Cobra's knife, and there were knife shows going on. Like, they were so hot at the time. Like, the knife is what you walk away talking from this movie about. Like, damn, that knife was badass. I used to draw it on my, like, school folders. 100%. …
The whole segment, as transcribed
and then there's spikes on the grip with the slashing knife, and in the final battle, Night Slasher almost puts the spikes into Sly's eyes. It's like, you know, Kylo Ren has the side lightsaber things. It's two weapons in one, and listen, I had this, I had this in Apex Mountain, knives, because right now, you got- Yeah, I had it too. Okay, go for it. What do you got? No, I just had the same thing. When we- You got Rambo's knife. You got, obviously, Crocodile Dundee's knife, Cobra's knife, and there were knife shows going on. Like, they were so hot at the time. Like, the knife is what you walk away talking from this movie about. Like, damn, that knife was badass. I used to draw it on my, like, school folders. 100%. I'm with you. Even OJ, probably a little jealous. Great, great. Another one of the knife guys. Yeah. The movie Drive, which is a cult movie, came out 10 years ago. The director, Nicholas Refn, was a huge fan, and that's why the main character had a toothpick. It was a Cobra homage. There's a lot of people who love this movie. Stallone animated in 2019. There was a remake as a TV series, but it's been two and a half years. Nothing happened. Body count, 52. 41 killed by Marion Corbretti. Huh. Okay, and that includes the Night Slasher and the partner and all that. Yeah, everything. All the murders we see, we get 52 total. It's tight. Apex Mountain, Sly, no. We already did Sly. What did we say Sly's Apex Mountain was? Rocky 4? I think it was. Rocky 4, yeah. Rocky 4 leads to Cobra. Yeah. Yeah. Brigitte, would you go this or Rocky 4? Probably Rocky 4, right? I'm going to go totally different and I'm going to go Flavor of Love. She was like a huge reality star with Flavor Flav like 15 years later. They built shows around her. She had her own show. She was the lead in it. She was massive for like a two-year period in the 2000s. Wow. Like a total comeback. Stalking masks as a serial killer gimmick, definitely Apex Mountain. Mm-hmm. Hospital horror movie scenes, no. I would say Halloween 2. Mm-hmm. Serial killer cults, yes. Because there's only one. Awkward. Awkward advertising in a movie that's shoehorned in where they're clearly getting paid. Probably no. Maybe Back to the Future still is the winner for that, but what do you think? I think Back to the Future or The Wizard with Fred Savage, which was a 90-minute Nintendo commercial for the Power Glove and Rad Racer. It's tough to beat. Very fair. John Cafferty and Beaver Brown Band, probably no. Eddie and the Cruisers. San Rimos. This is apparently a real place in California. Uh-huh. I'm going to say yes only because I can't think of another thing that's happened there. Knives, you say yes. Yep. Important Apex Mountain. Sly screaming, get out of there! Would you go here or Rocky IV? Probably Rocky IV, right? Because he yells that to Apollo. I think it has to be Rocky IV and then he says, can we get a doctor in here? And there's no doctors at the fight and he just dies. I think it's Rocky IV. Give him some air! How about motorcyclists getting shot? Is it sure Apex Mountain? I mean, like 20 of them just getting shot and flying off the bike in slow motion. And if it's not motorcyclists getting shot, it's definitely motorcyclists getting grenaded, of which he also does. The grenades, it's wildly gratuitous, but they looked cool. If you really watch carefully, it looks like each time the motorcyclist is going about eight miles an hour. Because they cut to it fast right as they're coming off, but they're clearly not going that fast. Creepy serial killer vans. I'm still going Buffalo Bill and Silence of the Lambs. That's my number one. But this one, they do a good job of the van super creepy, but I still say Silence of the Lambs. What are you about a size 15? What? You're a big fat lady. The 1950 Mercury Monterey. I think this is Apex Mountain. Have to be. And then 80s movie violence? Probably Rainbow 2 is still our answer for that one. Portuitous, over-the-top violence. Even like a shit. Commando, terrible, huge body count. Total Recall, I think, snuck into the 80s. Is that 89? Maybe 90. But like, disgusting violence. I don't think it's, I think it gets more violent than Cobra. The grocery store guy spends a lot of time shooting carts and groceries instead of people, and that kind of helps. Picking nits. Brigitte Nielsen as a fashion model. I mean, she had the height. I don't really, it's a stretch. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Cobretti takes Brigitte to a safe house, even though he already knows there's a mole on the inside. But then a lot of the police department seems to know where the safe house is. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of we've got to get her protected? I have this bill in Unanswerable Questions. Is there anything less safe than a safe house? It is one of the classic genre tropes, whether it's John Connor or Cobretti or an eraser like Schwarzenegger brings Vanessa Williams to a safe house. And it's always a slaughterhouse. The safe house always gets leaked. And in this case, very quick. So no. Miami Vice even, same thing. It's called the unsafe house. Yes. It's never a safe house. And we did all the other picking nits. I don't have any others. There's one tiny thing where there's a banter between the police officers and Cobretti and they go, what's the magic word? And he's like, please. That is a direct ripoff from the Ghostbusters script that Venkman has with Thornburg. Like the same line for line that came out two years earlier. So that always kind of bothered me. That's weird. It is. Could this be remade as a 10 episode Netflix show? My initial answer was no, but I don't know if I'm against it. I think Cobretti's son is there and it's going to marry in the second. And like he's being bogged down by all these restrictions on police officers these days and they need him to do it his way. I would be into it. I'd take any more Cobra. I don't care what it is. Bruno Cobretti, his son? Bruno. Bruno. Yeah. He's got his dad's gun. Is it, is the 10 episode Netflix show about Cobra? Is it, are they playing it straight or is it just a flat out comedy? Is it like Andy Samberg as Bruno Cobretti? Because then it wouldn't be funny. We need someone dead serious to play it just like Stallone did.
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