Apex Mountain on The Rewatchables
61:30 – 66:39… linings. Matt was horrified. Oh, no. If anything, it's a real never meet your heroes moment for girls of a certain age. Yeah. Once I tell that, I was upset. Apex Mountain. Every kid in this movie? Yeah. Every kid in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. The director as well. English Mastiffs? I think not necessarily English Mastiffs, but I think specifically swinging dog balls. You know, the very, very, very prominent testicle cam that we have throughout the Benny Pickles, the beast sequence, the number of shots where her... An interesting decision. It's just a lot of dangling dog dick. Just a lot of it. A lot …
The whole segment, as transcribed
So we're still less than 50% with the cast. If you're looking for silver linings. Matt was horrified. Oh, no. If anything, it's a real never meet your heroes moment for girls of a certain age. Yeah. Once I tell that, I was upset. Apex Mountain. Every kid in this movie? Yeah. Every kid in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. The director as well. English Mastiffs? I think not necessarily English Mastiffs, but I think specifically swinging dog balls. You know, the very, very, very prominent testicle cam that we have throughout the Benny Pickles, the beast sequence, the number of shots where her... An interesting decision. It's just a lot of dangling dog dick. Just a lot of it. A lot of dog genitals. They could have CGI'd the balls, made them a little smaller. Speaking of CGI, like all the special effects or quote unquote special effects, everything about the dog is insanely... The puppet is bad. It's so poorly done. Yeah. Like the sound effects sound like they're coming from a different movie, like playing in a different TV somewhere, which you can make an artistic case for it. Well, it's a kid's memory, so everything's amped up. And of course, a dog can't throw something over a fence on its own. But I don't think that was the... I don't think there was a lot of artistic, you know, reasoning behind it. The only... I'll attempt one devil's advocate counterpoint. And this is a generous interpretation. But, you know, what are they... What movie do they run through during the chase scene? It's the Wolfman. So I do think there is this element of kind of heightening the terror of the beast that you perceive. Right. But, you know, also the effect just wasn't very good. For Apex Mountain, would you go little kid baseball movies? Or do you think it was Bad News Bears and Bad News Bears Breaking Training? I still think that's the answer. Bad News Bears was a phenomenon in the 1970s. It made... I think it made probably like eighth or ninth highest gross for that year for baseball movies, spawned a couple sequels. So I feel like that has to be it, but I had to mention it. Well, League of Their Own was really big for my generation, another popular substitute teacher choice that actually... It's actually an adult movie, though. Yeah. Well, kids, we were allowed to watch it. I'd actually be interested in re-watching that and seeing how much of it was appropriate for children because I watched it a lot as a kid. But, I mean, I have generational bias. Apex Mountain for swinging dog balls? Or was there another movie that did it better, Mel? That's my pick. I'd have to re-watch Beethoven for weighing in. I used to love Beethoven. Picking nets. I mentioned this earlier. I got a few. Smalls. Could any little kid really be that bad at baseball that didn't have some sort of disorder? Could you be a 12-year-old boy and not be able to throw a ball two feet? But he can throw it. He can throw it, ultimately. Initially, the first time he has catch with Dennis Leary, he just basically drops the ball as he was throwing. I've never seen that in my life. Believe me, I have a son who plays different sports. I've seen some unathletic kids in my day. There is nothing remotely compared to that. He just needs to find the confidence. Maybe he just has the yips. Yeah, there you go. Dennis Leary never makes any effort to actually. He just keeps saying, watch it. He doesn't teach him at all. He doesn't teach him at all. The narrator says, Hercules lived to be 199 years old. So I did the dog math on this. It's 28 and a half, something like that. I'm positive that an English Mastiff couldn't live to 28 and a half. I've never heard of any dog living in 28 and a half. I don't know why they did that. That was stupid. Speaking of the dog. All right. So the dog's in the backyard all day on a chain. And his only parent is a blind guy. That backyard should be covered in shit. I mean, covered. It should have dog shit landmines everywhere. Oh, God. The ball should just land in shit when you hit a home run. There's no, who's picking up the shit? He also never walks him, right? Because otherwise then they wouldn't know something about him. That dog is living a pretty miserable life. Yeah. Mal, any PETA concerns on Hercules? I think Hercules and Mr. Myrtle probably have a very special bond and are both misunderstood by the cruel forces at play in a suburban neighborhood where the bias settles in before you give anybody a chance. And I think it's distressing. And I'm glad that they both got to show their true spirits at the end of the film. I am sure that Hercules, you know, do I love that he's out there all day chained? I do not. Do I love that he's out there in the beating sun all day? No. I'd like to think, you know, look, we saw that he buried 150 baseballs in one neat little pile. Maybe he's learned a certain bathroom etiquette that he discovered on his own. He seems very advanced to me.
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