Apex Mountain on The Rewatchables
36:20 – 39:08… Jordan? Second year Michael Jordan. And he's just sweeping Chicago with basketball fever that they're keeping warm with Air Jordans? This might honestly be Apex Mountain for Chicago. They're filming all these movies, and Jordan's about to be like a rocket ship. And Crystal and Hines are basically spending the entire time promoting the Sox and the Cubs. Yeah. Yeah. This is a great scene. Also, I like, for a short scene, Snake and the police line up next to the four cops. That's him! That's the one! Snake gets killed. Tough one. That's where the movie kind of takes this weird turn where I'm like, oh, I guess …
The whole segment, as transcribed
My issue is there's no way the court wouldn't have, like, ice patches and, like, terrible things that could happen. Do you think this is just the power of... Would this be rookie Michael Jordan? Second year Michael Jordan. And he's just sweeping Chicago with basketball fever that they're keeping warm with Air Jordans? This might honestly be Apex Mountain for Chicago. They're filming all these movies, and Jordan's about to be like a rocket ship. And Crystal and Hines are basically spending the entire time promoting the Sox and the Cubs. Yeah. Yeah. This is a great scene. Also, I like, for a short scene, Snake and the police line up next to the four cops. That's him! That's the one! Snake gets killed. Tough one. That's where the movie kind of takes this weird turn where I'm like, oh, I guess we're going to shoot each other in the head with Uzis. It's like, oh, this is rated R. Yeah. Okay. Okay. He makes a Colombian necktie reference, too. The entire Key West sequence, which I can't believe how many categories this swept. I'm just going to all do them now. Yes. The Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop. Duh. Great Shot Gordo Award for Most Cinematic Shot, The Sunset. I guess so. I mean, you can go, like, multiple. Yeah. I mean, what about Great Shot Gordo for the matching tits t-shirts? I mean, you can do that. I had that for Fortune 3 Clap Award for Most Gifable Moment. Den of Thieves, Benihana, scene-stilling location, Key West. Yeah. I had the Illinois State Building, but yes. It starts out with, we're watching The Sunset with, like, the most gorgeous blonde possible. Yeah. And Heinz and Crystal, just an unspoken, nah, this one's for you. And Heinz, they do, like, a little switch. But then later, two white girls on the boat, which was a big deal. Yeah. By the way, I should mention, Van Lathan, we always said we would do this with him. He's devastated. He is. He should be here. He's in New York City this week. We realized we want to do this for the Yacht Rock Talk, and we don't have Van. I think Van would have had a lot of thoughts. Yeah. But yeah, I don't remember seeing that, you know, in a movie like this. First of all, Gregory Heinz getting laid, which I had for Woodstage the best, because they were always careful with that. Multiple times, yeah. Yeah, he's just all types of women for Greg in this one. But we have them on the Honda Elite scooters. With the quick cut, every time it cuts, they have different girls on the back of the scooter? Little known fact, those Honda Elite scooters, the exact one that I crashed 40 miles an hour and almost died. Yeah. Did you? Yeah. What injuries did you walk away with? A lot. Really? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. It's fine. I'm here now. The boobs, t-shirts, and the roller skates. Yeah. Danny talks Ray into buying a bar. I feel like it would be this easy for you. For, like, you just, if you were just like, you want to buy a bar? Yeah, like, we were just next to a bar that had a lease, and I was like, should we buy this? I think about this three times a week.
75:48 – 81:34… some off- Like back alley? Off bar. Yeah. Some bar that's like three streets off of a street. No, it's always like an amusement park or something like that. Apex Mountain. Crystal, no. That's what, City Slickers to you? Yeah, I think we said it was City Slickers when we did this. Not when Harry met Sally? I think during City Slickers, we realized it was City Slickers. And Palace went on Oscars. Like, he had Oscars going at that point. Hines, I think there's a case. Sure. Because now he's a real movie guy. He's this great dancer. And then it eventually leads to them making the movie Tap. Mm-hmm. Which is one …
The whole segment, as transcribed
they can just choose somewhere amazing to shoot it, you know? Yeah, you're right. It's never like some off- Like back alley? Off bar. Yeah. Some bar that's like three streets off of a street. No, it's always like an amusement park or something like that. Apex Mountain. Crystal, no. That's what, City Slickers to you? Yeah, I think we said it was City Slickers when we did this. Not when Harry met Sally? I think during City Slickers, we realized it was City Slickers. And Palace went on Oscars. Like, he had Oscars going at that point. Hines, I think there's a case. Sure. Because now he's a real movie guy. He's this great dancer. And then it eventually leads to them making the movie Tap. Mm-hmm. Which is one of the many late 80s misfire movie ideas we had, where it was like, he's a tap dancer. He wants to get- He's a sensation, yeah. He wants to get out of the world to tap, but he's got to stay in. They did movies about a lot of occupations back in the 80s. Yeah. It's like, if you had a job, there was probably a movie about it. Right. It was like, I deliver food on a bicycle. Yeah. Quicksilver. Now it's like, is Thanos in it? No. But like, you know, they used to just be like, the postman. Yeah. If we had the same approach now, it would be like, Uber driver. Yeah. Key West. Apex Mountain for me. It's this versus the real world season with Johnny Bananas. Not Hemingway living there? Well, that could be there too. I don't know. Johnny Bananas versus Hemingway. Really depends on what you like. Contributions to society, yeah. Yeah. Johnny Bananas is still around. Joey Pants, no. Yeah. He didn't take the coward's way out like Hemingway. Yeah. That's because TJ hates quitters. Johnny Bananas, seven-time champ. Yeah. Going for number eight right now. Chicago movie cops? I really like those assholes in Thief who keep rousting Jimmy Conn. I have Jack Walsh. Okay. Jack Walsh had to leave the force because he wouldn't do a buyout from Serrano. When are we going to read Midnight? We're getting Matt Damon to join us for that. I'm just telling you now. It's happening. Is that like his favorite movie? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's when we get a real studio and we bring some star power in. Unlike now. Jimmy Smits. That's when I fake my own death so that you start remembering me finally. That's when AI Chris takes over. Jimmy Smits, no. Nope. And that's NYPD Blue, you think? Probably, yeah. Him and Franz. Yeah. I mean, that was, he was winning. Did he win Emmys for that? Yeah. Like, I feel like they just. He's good on that show. Yeah. Chicago Bars. I still think it's the About Last Night bar. I think it's the, what's the one? Mother, what was it called? Mother's? An About Last Night? No, but yeah. If I don't see you in Mother's. What's the name of the bar in Thief? The Green something? Oh, that's a good one. I haven't watched Thief since we did the pod. I gotta crank it up again. And Conn blows it up at the end. Yeah. Dan Hedaya. Hedaya? I mean, this is around, like, him. He's Blood Simple's around this time. Well, he's Eddie Tortelli, too. Yeah. Cheers. Yeah. I think this is probably PTA. Oh, I think it is. Michael McDonald's songs? No. But I think videos, yes. And then Yacht Rock was the opposite Apex Mountain, because this is the official end of Yacht Rock. Yeah. So I don't know what that is. Were there any other, in retrospect or upon further reflection, Yacht Rock coded movies that we could have done? Really? No. I don't think so. There are movies from the 70s set in L.A. that feel Yacht Rocky, even if they aren't explicitly. Like, the Robert Altman long goodbye with Elliot Gould is kind of Yacht Rocky to me. But it didn't have the music to add to the... Yeah. Yeah. Really? No. I don't see it. Cruise or Hanks? I'm gonna go Hanks. It has to be Hanks. Hanks wins. I think Hanks could very easily play Danny. No question. What's the scorecard? I think Hanks is winning. I think Hanks in the 80s should have made a movie like this. He tried a couple times and didn't find the right script. Yeah. I think he thought Dragnet might be a version of this, and it wasn't. Hanks is winning 18 to 14. Oh, fucking Cruise. Have that, Cruise. Well, because also, wasn't Hanks around this time doing volunteers? He was trying to do action comedies, too. Racehorse, Rock Band, Wrestler, Fantasy, Team name. Actually, can I just throw Cruiser Hanks? For these movies especially, I always think this. The third way would have been Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton as Danny after Night Shift. Would have been a great Danny. I really love Crystal in this, but yeah, Keaton could have done it. Racehorse, Rock Band, Wrestler, Fantasy, Team name. Sweet Freedom. Julio's Coke. Where's my Coke? Pick a Knits. I got one right off the top. Go. Did anybody jump out to anybody that Ray kisses Danny's ex full on the mouth a lot? So I noticed this. There's a sexual energy with them that made me super uncomfortable, and it made me wonder if that was why they broke up. She's like, I'm always going to come to your birthday parties. It's always a pretty full lips kiss. And a full body hug. Everybody should just do whatever makes them happy, but I was like, I would not be into this. It's pretty weird. It jumped out to me, too. There's some Challengers energy with these three. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Challengers energy. That's a really good point. That's a good category. The Challengers Award for the sexual attention that I don't really understand. Yeah. Picking it for me is just Gonzalez is just running amok in this movie. Yes. And I know this is an 80s trope, but there's just no laws. And meanwhile, a big theme of Chicago's 80s movies is how much police there is and how
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